Not sure...About Evreything

so I'm not sure about almost everything in my life. i don't know if i should give up on life take to no one and some how just get through school. or i could try to talk to some people and for once in my life be a teenager. Things are so different this year people have changed even me for like once in my life i can see myself becoming a teenager and i cant believe it I'm starting to look like a teen for once instead of a kid. even my actions has changed like i no longer play with my bratz dolls and i don't enjoy pretending that I'm like a princess or whatever. just recently i took an interest in blogging cause Blogger.com can't tell your family your feelings. Gosh i almost hate counselors like my one in 6th grade he told my mom fricking everything so instead of keeping this locked in me. I'm blogging cause its better then speaking although it cant really tell you what to do in a messed up situation but whatever. I'm really not sure how to tell my counselor at school anything because I'm in with another person and all we do is just play stupid games that are no fun and shes like "don't be so negative" (in my mind is say.... whatever loser I'm not 5 years old so i have a reason i don't like playing stupid board games) I'm so glade my Parents don't know that i blog like really i don't want to be afraid of what i write on my blog cause if they criticized me on it i don't think i would really tell them anything about my feelings. Gosh i love my boyfriend and some how we got to a conversation about getting married when were older and he actually asked me to marry him in the future :) but swear to god i could actually see him and i getting married some day and we have only been dating for 3 months but it feels like I've known him forever. i the only thing i know is that i love him and wouldn't be anything if i didn't have him.

silently-screaming

so i havnt blogged in ahwile and thats cause iv been busy with school but i felt like if i dont blogg i might cry. my bestfriend in the whole world has a girlfriend and i dont know why it hurts me so much. iv been with him befor and iv broke up with him and i have a new boyfriend now. but hes liked me for like ever and seeing her with him makes me jelous in so many ways possible. i finally know how he felt when i went out with some one els. i feel the pain and jelousy and most of all i feel the sadness the most. i cant talk to him about it because ill feel stupid. and then i relized that some how im still in love with him and it shoked me. i can no longer breath or feel anything i feel numb and frozen. i dont know why i cant just talk to him and say im jelous i dont think i would now what to say but probly some day ill meet her and want to rip he intestents out or cut her throat so she cant breath and blood squirts evreywear so she dies in pain. of corse that will just be in my head. and omg shes a cheerleader o.O of course he would like her. Now i have met her online and she seemed nice to talk to and she was going out with him but i only felt a little jelousy because i knew i wouldnt last. but i pretty sure this one will. untile then i will be silently screaming in my boyfriends arms.